Christmas, for many reasons, is a time of year when I always feel particularly contemplative. I'm not a religious person - I was raised in a "respecting all religions but following none of them" kind of household and seem to have continued along that path into adulthood - but there's still something about Christmas that seems special. There's no denying that, as a little girl, at least part of the excitement was about presents, but I think it's always been about more than that. My Daddy used to finish work at lunch time on Christmas Eve, we would probably see friends and cousins who we didn't see often, there would be lots of people visiting and, of course, no school for us or work for our parents, so we spent lots of time together as a family. Overwhelmingly, though, what sticks out in my memories of my childhood Christmases is that everyone was happy. It was simply a time of seeing the people you loved and enjoying being together.
During my teenage years, as many of you will know, I had a rather difficult time with my mood. A time when everyone was so cheerful, and the general attitude appeared to be "you should be happy, it's Christmas!" suddenly became difficult to cope with. The general tolerance for misery seems to drop at this time of year, and anyone who isn't feeling full of the festive spirit not only has to contend with their own difficulties, but also with accusations of bringing everyone else down and spoiling Christmas.
Now, as an adult, I enjoy Christmas again, but a combination of my teenage difficulties and work and family circumstances mean I'm all too aware of how difficult this time of year can be. I'm working again this year, but come Monday when I have some time off, I'll be heading up to see my parents and sisters before spending New Year with my boyfriend. I'm lucky to have not only a job that I genuinely enjoy and that pays me enough to be able to spoil the people I love, but (more importantly) people I love close by, happy and healthy.
Working over Christmas in a hospital is an odd experience which brings with it a strange combination of emotions. I still smile when I remember the sweet nonagenarian who burst into tears of happiness when Santa came around the ward and gave gifts to all the inpatients. The same day, I had to tell a lady that the symptoms her son had brought her to A&E with were likely due to metastatic cancer. Another year, I got a Christmas kiss on the cheek from a very mischievous older gentleman patient before discussing end of life care for someone else. Last year, I saw babies and children spending their Christmas in hospital - for some it was their first Christmas, for others it would be their last; for a few it was both.
Whatever you're doing this Christmas, spare a thought for those who aren't enjoying the festivities in the usual way. My colleagues in the health service, from the domestic staff keeping the wards clean to the consultant surgeons performing life-saving operations, will be there to ensure you and your family are well looked after. Those in the fire service and police force are making sure our streets and homes are kept safe. Thousands of hospitality workers are spending today serving up countless turkey dinners and glasses of prosecco to help other people have a merry day. To everyone working this Christmas - thank you.
If Christmas is a challenge for you, know that you aren't forgotten. Those struggling to get through the day without a loved one - be it for the first or the fiftieth time - I feel for you. If you're spending the day in the hospital, either as a patient or visiting a loved one, I hope Christmas is comfortable and that the New Year will be brighter. If you simply feel overwhelmed and are struggling, there are people who care and who will listen.
Merry Christmas, everyone, stay safe and I hope 2016 brings health and happiness to all xxx
There are a number of places you can get help should you need it. The services I've listed are free to call and open 24/7. A more comprehensive list is available through the NHS choices website, but not all services are free or open over Christmas.
If you're struggling today, or any day, the Samaritans are there to listen for free - call 08457 90 90 90.
Children and young people can contact ChildLine on 0800 1111 whilst adults who have concerns about a child can call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000.
If you feel in danger of hurting yourself and don't have a crisis plan, please call 999 or go to your local A&E department.
For those who need help with domestic abuse, contact Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
If alcohol is a problem, you can call Alcoholics Anonymous on 0845 769 7555.
If you need help with drugs, you can speak to Frank on 0800 77 66 00.
Showing posts with label Eating Disorders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eating Disorders. Show all posts
Friday, 25 December 2015
Sunday, 1 November 2015
I'm Not A Lousy Doctor - But I'm A Lousy Friend
If you've read this blog before, you'll probably be aware that I'm a prolific tweeter. In fact, I'd be surprised if you were reading and had come across this post via anything other than seeing me tweet about it. One of the things I love about Twitter is that it makes the world a smaller place. One of my favourite Tweeters is the lovely @dr_ashwitt; although she is as far from me as is basically possible (Melbourne, if you were wondering), I frequently read her tweets and think "oh my God, me too!". Recently, Ash re-posted a link to a post she wrote a couple of years ago about her experiences of depression. She urged other doctors to post their own 140 character experiences of mental health issues, and #MH4Docs got a fair number of tweets which Ash has collated here. I haven't actually tweeted yet, but I've been pretty vocal about my own issues over the years and it's good to see that people feel they can open up about these things. The thing that really made me think, though, was the sentence she used to link to her blog.
"I have depression, but that doesn't mean I'm not a good doctor."
I think a big part of the reason that a lot of health care professionals (and non-health care professionals, come to think of it) are reluctant to open up about mental health issues is the fear that their abilities at work will be called into question. I know that one of my major fears when I "admitted" to having depression was that people might think I was unable to do the job I love and have worked for for a long time.
My mental health problems don't mean I'm not a good doctor. I have a need to be busy which means that I will crack on with as much work as I can, and I'll find non-essential tasks which just "need doing at some point" to keep me occupied. Focusing on other people means I'm not thinking about myself and my own emotions, so I'm unlikely to slip into a spiral of despair. My lack of self esteem and constant impostor syndrome mean I'm keen to please and make an extra effort to be friendly and polite. Work makes me feel better and I think my own issues mean I will always work as hard as I can. Possibly I'm at risk of burnout, but it's nothing I've ever felt close to, and the other hobbies I've developed to occupy myself and prevent negative thinking mean I have outlets outside of medicine.
No, depression doesn't mean I'm not a good doctor. It does mean I'm not a good friend, though. Being nice and polite to people can be frankly exhausting. After a whole day smiling and engaging in banal conversation and generally giving the impression that I'm a functional human being, I am absolutely worn out. I very rarely agree to after-work plans because I know I'll be too tired to be good company. If I've made arrangements, there's a good chance I'll flake out at the last minute because I just can't face being around people any more. Finally living alone rather than with flatmates is a Godsend because it means I can have meltdowns in the living room and kitchen rather than being restricted to my bedroom. On nights out, I'm renowned for disappearing without telling anyone after being consumed by an overwhelming wave of misery and wanting to get away before I spoil anyone else's night. As for relationships, I am probably one of the worst girlfriends out there. I take insecurity and anxiety to ridiculous levels, any compliment is analysed repeatedly to ensure it isn't actually a heavily veiled insult and "I love you" is not infrequently followed not with "I love you, too" but "..really? Do you actually though?".
So yeah, I have depression, and that doesn't mean I'm not a good doctor. But it does mean I'm not a good friend. If you've stuck around anyway, thank you. I may not say it with nights out or long conversations, I may cancel half of our arrangements and you might feel like you're walking on eggshells when we talk, but you are loved and appreciated.
Saturday, 18 April 2015
Skinny Minnies
I've blogged in the past about eating disorders, both my own experiences and my thoughts as a doctor. I don't claim to be an expert at all, but from a combination of personal experiences, talking to friends and acquaintances who have had similar difficulties and encountering many patients with eating disorders at work, I've built up my own ideas about eating disorders and have also tried to read around the area to expand my understanding.
I make no apology for the fact that the forthcoming post may be a bit angry and ranty. I'm cross, and it was my annoyance and crossness which lead me to write. On reading it, I also appear to have used an awful lot of brackets. For that, you can have a bit of an apology I suppose (but only a bit).
A few days ago, I was casually scrolling through my timeline on a well-known social media site, when I saw a post which an acquaintance of mine had apparently showed some kind of appreciation for. The headline was "These 12 Anorexic Girls Look Stunning After Beating Their Condition". This annoys me for several reasons. Firstly, "desperately sick people look much better when they aren't ill anymore" is stating the obvious and is yet another reflection of (modern? Or has humankind always been so inclined?) society's obsession with appearance. Secondly, and more importantly, it demonstrates and perpetuates a deep and serious misunderstanding of what eating disorders are. Pictures of terribly sick, skeletally thin young women next to pictures of them looking healthier with captions like "no woman should ever be as thin as she was in the first picture, she looks much better with some weight on her" show just how flawed a perception many people have of eating disorders. I also find the use of the term "beating" to describe recovering from an illness unhelpful, but I'll elaborate on that in a separate post.
Would people write an article entitled "This Girl Who Had Cancer Looks Great Now She's Off Chemo"? How about "Man With End-Stage Liver Disease Looks Gorgeous Post Transplant"? Or "Check Out How Fit These Ladies Are Now They're No Longer In ICU With Overwhelming Sepsis"? I like to think not, unless the people in question were celebrities, in which case no doubt the first thing we're supposed to noticed when someone's been incredibly ill is whether their weight has changed or if they've got the energy to still do their hair nicely. But I digress.
What upset me most about this articles was that it perpetuates the myth that eating disorders are solely about how people look. The premise of the article appears to be "overly skinny is not hot". Now, whilst I have no problem with promoting a range of body shapes as attractive (although frankly I do wish we could all shut up about appearance), the suggestion that people (not just girls - they affect both genders and all ages) with eating disorders are driven purely by a desire to be as thin as possible is just wrong. Eating disorders are complex. Patients with eating disorders are diverse. Trying to suggest that all eating disorders occur because a person wants to be skinny is as wrong and as damaging as suggesting that all cancers are caused by excessive alcohol intake - both illnesses occur due to a variety of factors. In some cases, one of those factors may be a desire for thinness/excessive alcohol consumption, but this is only one of a number of elements which co-exist and allow the disease to develop. In some patients, this factor will be completely absent.
Now feels like a good opportunity to link to a post my lovely friend Jo wrote about her experiences of an eating disorder. Another helpful post is this one, from the website of Mind - a mental health charity. Their website has some useful information on eating disorders which may help anyone who either has an eating disorder or is supporting a friend or family member with one. As all these links stress, eating disorders are often about control and dealing with difficult situations and not just a vain desire to look thin.
This blog is explicitly about eating disorders, but more generally it's about the lack of parity of esteem between "physical" and "mental" health conditions. I use the inverted commas because personally I believe the terms create a false dichotomy. Physical conditions may well be worsened by emotions - we all know people who get more migraines when the pressure piles up, and there's now evidence that adverse events during childhood may play a role in the development of diabetes. The way our feelings and emotions affect our health is something we are only just beginning to understand. In the meantime, if we could all aim to be a bit more understanding and not jump to conclusions about people just because they have a particular diagnosis, the world may well be a brighter place. And if you're writing a headline about a "mental" illness, think about how it would look if you replaced it with a "physical" one. If it sounds voyeuristic, shocking or offensive, chances are you're best not using it.
P.S. I googled "These 12 Girls With Cancer Look Stunning After Beating Their Condition". Surprisingly, noone's written that article.
I make no apology for the fact that the forthcoming post may be a bit angry and ranty. I'm cross, and it was my annoyance and crossness which lead me to write. On reading it, I also appear to have used an awful lot of brackets. For that, you can have a bit of an apology I suppose (but only a bit).
A few days ago, I was casually scrolling through my timeline on a well-known social media site, when I saw a post which an acquaintance of mine had apparently showed some kind of appreciation for. The headline was "These 12 Anorexic Girls Look Stunning After Beating Their Condition". This annoys me for several reasons. Firstly, "desperately sick people look much better when they aren't ill anymore" is stating the obvious and is yet another reflection of (modern? Or has humankind always been so inclined?) society's obsession with appearance. Secondly, and more importantly, it demonstrates and perpetuates a deep and serious misunderstanding of what eating disorders are. Pictures of terribly sick, skeletally thin young women next to pictures of them looking healthier with captions like "no woman should ever be as thin as she was in the first picture, she looks much better with some weight on her" show just how flawed a perception many people have of eating disorders. I also find the use of the term "beating" to describe recovering from an illness unhelpful, but I'll elaborate on that in a separate post.
Would people write an article entitled "This Girl Who Had Cancer Looks Great Now She's Off Chemo"? How about "Man With End-Stage Liver Disease Looks Gorgeous Post Transplant"? Or "Check Out How Fit These Ladies Are Now They're No Longer In ICU With Overwhelming Sepsis"? I like to think not, unless the people in question were celebrities, in which case no doubt the first thing we're supposed to noticed when someone's been incredibly ill is whether their weight has changed or if they've got the energy to still do their hair nicely. But I digress.
What upset me most about this articles was that it perpetuates the myth that eating disorders are solely about how people look. The premise of the article appears to be "overly skinny is not hot". Now, whilst I have no problem with promoting a range of body shapes as attractive (although frankly I do wish we could all shut up about appearance), the suggestion that people (not just girls - they affect both genders and all ages) with eating disorders are driven purely by a desire to be as thin as possible is just wrong. Eating disorders are complex. Patients with eating disorders are diverse. Trying to suggest that all eating disorders occur because a person wants to be skinny is as wrong and as damaging as suggesting that all cancers are caused by excessive alcohol intake - both illnesses occur due to a variety of factors. In some cases, one of those factors may be a desire for thinness/excessive alcohol consumption, but this is only one of a number of elements which co-exist and allow the disease to develop. In some patients, this factor will be completely absent.
Now feels like a good opportunity to link to a post my lovely friend Jo wrote about her experiences of an eating disorder. Another helpful post is this one, from the website of Mind - a mental health charity. Their website has some useful information on eating disorders which may help anyone who either has an eating disorder or is supporting a friend or family member with one. As all these links stress, eating disorders are often about control and dealing with difficult situations and not just a vain desire to look thin.
This blog is explicitly about eating disorders, but more generally it's about the lack of parity of esteem between "physical" and "mental" health conditions. I use the inverted commas because personally I believe the terms create a false dichotomy. Physical conditions may well be worsened by emotions - we all know people who get more migraines when the pressure piles up, and there's now evidence that adverse events during childhood may play a role in the development of diabetes. The way our feelings and emotions affect our health is something we are only just beginning to understand. In the meantime, if we could all aim to be a bit more understanding and not jump to conclusions about people just because they have a particular diagnosis, the world may well be a brighter place. And if you're writing a headline about a "mental" illness, think about how it would look if you replaced it with a "physical" one. If it sounds voyeuristic, shocking or offensive, chances are you're best not using it.
P.S. I googled "These 12 Girls With Cancer Look Stunning After Beating Their Condition". Surprisingly, noone's written that article.
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