Struggling a little

I know before I even write this that this is going to be a moany, annoying, rather teenage-sounding post. I am warning you now so that you have the option of clicking on that little red X in the top right-hand corner of the screen before I bore you to tears.

As I may have mentioned, I am not at all enjoying my current placement A couple of weeks ago, I went to see a consultant I'm doing some work with as we needed to discuss the paper we're attempting to finish off. Being a) lovely and b) perceptive, he soon noted that I wasn't my usual self (apparently I'm normally rather "Tigger-ish") and asked what was wrong. Without going into too much detail, I mentioned that I was having a bit of a rubbish time on placement. To cut a long story short, the following week I ended up going and having a chat with him about what was happening - largely hoping for some advice. This culminated in him going to speak to my current supervisor to explain the situation (I didn't know he was going to do this until after the event). That prompted me to email my supervisor myself and telling him basically that I was having a bit of a rubbish time, apologising for probably spending less time on the wards than I should and assuring him that I was keen to learn and was using time off the wards to study.

I thought this was pretty much the end of it and planned to ignore the bitchiness and crack on with the final few weeks of my block. However, although I still have 2 weeks to go here, my supervisor is away for those 2 weeks so we had a meeting on Friday so that he could do my final assessment. It was honestly one of the strangest meetings I've ever had. He wasn't impressed with me at all, so I basically told him that I was very sorry but I'd been really struggling and I felt that rather than stay on the wards feeling useless, I would rather study privately as it would be more productive. You know how uni likes to remind students that they're adults and in control of their own learning? Seems this is only true when you decide you learn best the way they tell you to learn... He wasn't horrible or anything. In some ways I wish he had been, but there we go. Anyway, he's actually going to give me my grade when he's back to give me 2 weeks to get myself a better mark...

Once we'd finished discussing what an inadequate student I was (ok, I'm exaggerating), we then moved on to what seems like everyone's favourite subject at the moment - my lack of a life. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that he actually made me cry when he brought this up. There are only so many times you can stand to be told that you're fat, lazy and pathetic without getting upset. Ok, those weren't the exact words he used, but his persistence in telling me it was important to exercise and keep myself physically fit hammered the point home well enough.

I can't say there is much point to this, but sometimes a good rant helps, even if it's only through the medium of my keyboard!